Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
