Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
