so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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