so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize