that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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