I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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