Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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