He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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