Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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