This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
