The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
