Is it normal to miss your booty call?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
