So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
