so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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