i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
