i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
