I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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