we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
