Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
