Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
