are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
