i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
