Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
