It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
even my farts smell like vagina
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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