We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Are we still banned from the library?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
