She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
