so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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