I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
