Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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