Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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