her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
