omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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