Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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