What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You need a sexual gate keeper
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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