New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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