Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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