Quick, to the slutcave!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
