My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
