my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
