i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
