Don't make out with my wife yet
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
