kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
