I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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