you mean i was at the winter classic?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
