When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
