so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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