I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
