This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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