I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
