Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
