the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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