I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
