he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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