i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
