I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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