So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
