He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
