i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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