I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize