I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
