the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
