Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
