someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
