haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
