addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
