if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
